The Real Mall of America is Right Here in Seabrook, New Hampshire

Editor's note: This article was written by a Townsquare Media Northern New England contributor and may contain the individual's views, opinions, or personal experiences.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about malls on the Seacoast, mainly from me.

But while other malls close, downsize or reconfigure, there remains one mall on the Seacoast that’s remained largely unchanged for as long as I can remember. And it may just be the greatest mall of them all.

At 919 Lafayette Road in Seabrook stands what can only be described as a Charlie Sheen Fantasy Camp. Of course, I’m referring to the legendary Eaton Plaza.

Never been? Allow me to walk you through a trip to this Seacoast staple.

The Plaza is most famous for its adult entertainment shop, Leather & Lace. Was it raided by the feds? Allegedly. But doesn’t that add to its mystique? Just remember to park with your license plate facing away from the road.

Then, there is the Seabrook Hawkshop Exchange. It's an excellent place to swap out a valuable piece of jewelry, such as the wedding ring you’ll no longer need if you are seen at Leather & Lace.

Perhaps you seek something new in its place in terms of permanence. That’s when you visit Clay Dragon Tattoo. Did it sting (the tattoo, I mean)? No worries.

Next stop would be Up in Smoke, where it was always 4:20.

To take full advantage of your current state, visit Chris’ Comics. Not only is it your go-to destination for comic books and sports cards, but if you got enough stuff at Up in Smoke, the guys in the comics and sports cards would start waving at you!

As is always the case, you want to go out with a bang. And that’s when you hit up Rudy & Larry’s Fireworks which, according to Google, is only open Wednesdays from 11-5 by appointment, according to the store's website. Okay.

And it’s not just the stores in the mall that’ll serve you well. After you inevitably fail to follow Rudy and Larry’s fireworks instructions, you can head just north to the Touch Free Carwash (which they could also offer at a place like Leather & Lace).

But like with other malls, Eaton Plaza has seen some recent turnover. Up In Smoke is just that. I fear a day when other shops will be just a memory, like the Newington Mall, and I’ll have to rely on others to share their cherished memories.

I’m sad to say that other than Chris’ Comics, I never visited the other establishments. Not because I think I’m “better.” Because I know I’m not cool enough. But while it’s there, do yourself a favor and take a trip to Seabrook to visit the real Mall of America.

What do you think should fill Up in Smoke's old digs at Eaton Plaza. Lemme know! Jon.Rineman@townsquaremedia.com.