Editor's note: This article was written by a Townsquare Media Northern New England contributor and may contain the individual's views, opinions, or personal experiences.

Anyone missing one of those neon green, turtle-person statues with the red flag that you put at the end of your driveway to tell drivers to slow down?

Well, good news: we may have found them.

The bad news: it’s not a pretty scene.

In the What’s Happening in (or to) Dover NH Facebook group, user Katie Bayer posted an odd picture of a pile of these creatures piled up in a field.

attachment-Green Guys
Katie Bayer via Facebook

Oh the...humanity? Turtality?

“Anyone missing their turtle dude thing?” she asked.

While five remained standing and on guard (in the event that a deer or one of those darn, dirty squirrels exceeds the speed limit), it appears the others weren’t so lucky.

It wasn’t long before word of the tragedy spread throughout this quiet, tightknit community. Another user named Katie was first to alert her friend Jocelyn.

With her (I’m assuming) panicked cries drowned out only by the sound of speeding cars, Amazon vans, and seasonally driven UPS trucks, Jocelyn frantically asked if anyone had a location for this sorry sight. It was quickly identified as a patch of unforgiving green to the side of Towne Road.

Hopefully she made it over there quickly. Of course, she must have, as there was no one at the end of her driveway to remind her not to.

Soon after, Candy alerted her friend Ray, a wise but perhaps jaded soul who simply replied, “They strike again.”

Then Tess entered the chat, expressing not just sadness but revelation. “I never thought they looked like turtles until you said that!” she exclaimed. No longer feeling alone or ashamed, Gina replied, “Same’…

…followed by a cry-laugh emoji. The perfect symbol for the tumbleweed of emotion that was the Dover Neon Green Driveway Turtle-Guy Pile of 2022.

And to date, there is still no clear answer as to what happened in (or to) that field. And to think, it happened in the same town that gave us the Ninja Turtles.

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